My name is Kenisha L. Fletcher! I’m married (6/4/16) with 2 beautiful boys. My oldest is 14 yrs old & my youngest is 7 yrs old. My husband and I have been together for 16 years (6/6/02), we’re highschool sweethearts. When we got together I was very active but always had some kind of ailment. I ran the block frequently, washed my own car, went to school, worked, karate (with my father), cooked, cleaned hung out with my husband (he was my boyfriend then..lol) ALL THE TIME!! On January 23, 2005 our first child was born (I wasn’t supposed to have kids after 6 ruptured cysts on my ovaries) and my life changed dramatically!! It changed for the good ( I was a mommy) & the bad! My body at that point went down hill. I was diagnosed with high blood pressure, and migraines! My body just wasn’t right anymore! I was tired drained and felt defeated. But nothing stopped me from being the best mother and supportive girlfriend I could be. Nobody could show them love like me n I made sure of it!! While constantly seeing doctors for multiple ailments, at this point I have facet joint arthritis. Which means I have no cartilage at the bottom of my spine. Meanwhile my stomach was always in knots. My feminine body parts were always bothering me as well as me still getting cysts rupturing on my ovaries and a menstrual cycle that caused me to lose enormous amounts of blood! RIDICULOUS!! But guess what 9/10/11 another miracle was born. 2nd C-Section of course and I’m in pain. 2013 rolls around and I feel like I’m struggling to stay alive. If I close my eyes and give up I felt like I would die (what is wrong with me?). But with my drive and ambition I didn’t let it stop me but I tell you one thing it sure was getting to me. NOBODY BELIEVED ME THAT I FELT LIKE I GOT HIT BY A TRACTOR TRAILOR AT THE END OF A RACETRACK AND THEN SOMEBODY TURNED AROUND AND HIT ME WITH A SACK OF POTATOES IN MY HEAD!! OK lord what’s going on? The Dr. says its called FIBROMYALGIA! Soooo what do I do after years of pushing n struggling and now I have a name to it. Let’s research it, let’s learn about it, am I alone (besides my mother & maternal grandmother). If I feel this alone let’s do a Instagram page and see if people feel the way I do. And on another note let’s make it my goal to make sure they don’t feel like I did!
And my Fibromyalgia Journey began….
Please leave a comment and let me know what you think!
Thank you for reading!!
As I type this I remember how soothing it is to let it all out. Where do I begin? What do I want to say? What emotions am I feeling? Its hard when you struggle with anxiety and fight depression. People always assume that mental health is only Autism, Bi Polar, Schizophrenia, ADHD, Demntia etc. Others don’t realize how someone’s health can take a toll on the mind. I’ve lost a lot of weight lately. Struggling to keep food down. Currently 129lbs.. (I started at 210 that’s a 81 lb weight loss in 3 and a half years)
When your listening to someone always ask are you OK, you’ve lost a lot of weight, you need to eat, try this, why don’t you, how come you can’t. I’m all for educating someone on my health. They may not genuinely know. But some things are very irritating and my mental health plays a big part on how I react and process all the unnecessary unwanted questions and comments.
So here’s a little bit about how my body works and what my brain has to process everyday. Since everyone wants to tell me to eat not knowing there’s a process to how, when, and what I can eat.
Some people think its easy for me to just eat. This is what my stomach looks like pretty much..
My Diet consists of: No Seeds, No Nuts, No Dairy, Low FOD MAP Diet, Low Fiber, Low Sugar, No Tomatoes, No Gluten, anything in a package 5 ingredients or less, Nothing Processed & Nothing Spicy. Thats very expensive.
I have Chrons Disease so a lot of things someone with a normal colon can eat I can’t. My colon at times rejects the best thing for me…WATER. I go thru spells like yesterday when I take to long to eat my colon rejects food as if it’s a foreign object. So to say the least yesterday my food did not stay in me to gain any nutrients from what I ate. I struggled yesterday with stomach cramps and nausea all day. I never know mentally from day to day what my illnesses may bring me. So o have to be strong minded. I have a chronic Inflammatory Bowel Disease or IBD..that’s different than IBS Irritable Bowel Syndrome. Theres scarring and ulcers all throughout my intestines. I seriously have to watch what I eat and who I am around. Or I could have a serious reaction that could land me into the hospital fighting for my life. So forgive me, if I ask you to use handsanitizer, or look at you funny when you cough. My immune system is weak. I definitely don’t need extra nausea or added stomach cramps. It feels like food poisoning. My body already feels like the flu everyday with Fibromyalgia.
On top of all of the issues I have with Chrons I have over active nerves… Fibromyalgia… So all the pain and every symptom I have is heightened. I also go through flares with both illnesses. So when fibro decides to flare.. Guess what my nerves are super heightened and my stomach hurts even more its confused and doesn’t want food or liquids… Meanwhile my stomach decides to cramp where I feel it in my back and down to my hips giving me a terrible headache…
So when your wondering why I’m losing weight, my stomach and my illnesses won’t allow to be great.. (But I’ve decided to be Awesome, Positive, and Strong no matter what my body says..)
Then you deal with those who really don’t believe illnesses they can’t see. Or they think they know what to do to cure you. You can’t see love but you believe it full force. Very confusing to me.
Sufferers like me are called hypochondriacs, lazy or their making up excuses. All because someones eyes can’t see something so they don’t believe. Well I saw a picture posted and thought.. Oh yeah let’s be grafic. Imagine eating a strawberry (seeds), and straight to bathroom you go, eating too much can make me go to the bathroom, not eating at all can land me in the bathroom. I mean do you feel like being in the bathroom all day. Don’t you like to live your life without restrictions. Not having to scope every room you go in for the nearest restroom. Going out to eat and not taking 5 minutes to order your food, just to be cross contaminated (now im sick and in the bathroom) because you also have High Gluten Sensitivity. (pretty much celiac)
I’m glad my husband tells me I’m sexy and how good I look. Cuz I swear he’s had so many different sizes of me. Its ridiculous. I feel defeated and unattractive at times. That’s part of the mental health I deal with. Don’t get me wrong im grateful I’m alive and blessed with strength. But I struggle and still strive to make myself better one day at a time.
Right now as I struggle with weight loss and eating I remind myself that what others say have no place or opinion in how I struggle. But remember.. Watch how you talk and speak to others… You never know what they are going thru. Not everything can be seem for you to voice your opinion on and place your terrible judgment on someone else’s health journey. This is just my journey and I’m positive others go through worse than me.
Mental Health really plays a valid role in how chronically I’ll sufferers deal with their health. Its draining, confusing and overwhelming at times I’m just glad that I’m mentally strong enough to overcome crazy obstacles in my life. It has taken some time mentally to even get where I am today. Its definitely not easy. Dealing with Chrons Disease, Fibromyalgia, High Gluten Sensitivity, Arthritis & Anxiety.
It can be very hard to overcome mental health. When the problem never leaves….MY HEALTH..I rely on positive vibes, courage & strength to push on thru my struggles. For those suffering. I’m hear to talk if you need me. Your mental health is very important for your health to get you thru the day. Remember your worth every second you breathe is a learning experience and a milestone made.
Learning to tell myself in your mind you got this, your not going to let your health bring you down thru all the struggle and the pain. Mental Health definitely matters. Being negative and down on myself definitely doesn’t get me anywhere.
Some people don’t realize how thankful they are. Its sad… I sit, watch, listen & just observe. People are so ungrateful. All society does is complain, mope, make excuses for themselves and their wrong doings, lie, be unloyal, talk about others and their downfall, be unsupportive and the list goes on.
WHOS REALLY GOT TIME FOR ALL THAT & WHY?
Yesterday I was battling a new health problem in my life. Something I’ve never felt before. Pain under my breast bone radiating around my back and down to my sides. Breathing hurt and it made me extremely exhausted. My feet were swollen and my toes looked like little hot dogs. Moving made it worse. That started outta the blue around 930a and it never stopped.
I make an appointment to see my Primary Care Physician Jessica Hill CRNP later in the day at 330p that afternoon. She takes a urine sample to check for bacteria or infection. She checks and asks me a boat load of questions to help me. My lungs are clear. My pulse is fine. My blood pressure is great. She asks if the pain feels Chrons related or Fibromyalgia related. (to try and help narrow down my problem or which avenue to take) I’m pretty good at learning my body (she knows that). These pains had nothing to do with either illness. Fibro & Chrons can be complicated so it was only fitting to ask. (I get it) She then ordered a chest and abdominal xray for clarity.
I’m dreading the results of my urinalysis. Only because if there is an infection (which she hinted) how do we treat it without antibiotics. That I don’t want and my Dr. & I both know there’s consequences when I take anything. But I guess we’ll cross that bridge when we get there.
But there are 2 things I need to do to help myself. Drink more fluids because I’m dehydrated. I hate water….dehydration is terrible for your body (I gotta do better). I just don’t drink nearly enough (at ALL). I also need to get more rest… Lack of rest is definitely not helping at all. But I refuse to miss any event or memories with my boys.
I feel like I’ve been fighting for my life. Struggling to move and still be a productive mom, employee and wife. Most of all struggling to just be the positive me. The pain is unbearable… but I push on anyway. That’s just everyday life for me.
While I dread the results. Worry myself to death about the outcome of everything. The fear of even having to figure out what we’re going to do if something is wrong. My anxiety is thru the roof. Which doesn’t help my fibro at all. When Fibro acts up it also irritates my Chrons. (story of my life)
Never mentioning I have a Chiropractic appointment the next day, to my PCP. When I get to my Chiropractor I never mention my issues. (besides the check in tablet where I state ny pain scale & where). Im so nervous and my anxiety just wants to go all the way off. But no….I hold it together and get on the Traction Table. (you ever sat in massage chair that rolls up and down your spine? A Traction Table is a upgraded version your just lying down on your back) When I’m done I get up and go sit by Dr. Lanes door waiting to get readjusted. I’m called to do my reevaluation for Neuro Therapy with Kris in the back. I’ve been doing therapy for 3 months now. I went 3x times a week down to once a week and homework. (Strengthing my brain for memory, focus and all around brain function & stimulation for my central nervous system) I HAD TND… Trans Neuro Degeneration which can be linked to Alzheimer’s & Dementia.
Ugghhhhh I wasnt expecting this reevaluation. Im just want to get readjusted to see if this pain will go away Ive had for over 24hrs. I do my reevaluation and knock it out of the park. Woooo hoooo… As Dr. Lane (who is not just a chiropractor he’s a functional neurologist as well) goes over my neuro results with me, Im ecstatic and so is he. My numbers all in the 90th percentile and all the test I did increased very well. Soooooo NO more Neuro Therapy for me and just keep practicing at home.
Now… We get to readjusting…. As he pops and pushes. I realize he gets stuck in the same spot as my problem area. He eventually does whatever it is he does with pushing popping and table movement he does his thing…. And guess what? I’m sore as crap but I can breath and the pain is gone. I feel bruised in that area because I’ve been in pain for so long. I’ll take it…
Before I go out the room to get my stems on .. I tell him about the pain I was having. He proceeded to tell me all my symptoms (I never told him), and describes the difficulty that area could cause. He tells me to take a deep breath and that pain was gone. Yayyyyy… But to say that my Thoracic part of my spine was all jacked up and causes heart attack like symptoms was very interesting. I learn from my body and my team of Drs everyday. As I struggle to be a normal functional human being.
So for me I don’t understand how you could be so negative and worry about the wrong things in life. Stress yourself about others lives and thrive on negative vibes. While chronically ill sufferers have their lives and health to worry about. Stressing if the next day is gonna be better or worse. Making sure I eat right. Making sure I don’t move wrong. I suffered for over 24hrs with heart attack like symptoms. Still went to my sons basketball game last night. Encouraged 3 teenage girls in the neighborhood with positive vibes later on that nite (all while standing in the middle of the street with a robe on and barefoot).
How can someone be so engulfed in societies wrong doings and negativity? When there is so much happiness to be filled with. So much positivity to spread. So many smiles to be passed out. So many memories to be made.
I say all this to say….
LIFT EACH OTHER UP & BE POSITIVE OR JUST MIND YOUR BUSINESS…
The vibe I’m giving off to anybody in 2019 who doubt’s my health, frowns upon either of my illnesses, acts like I just want attention, assumes I’m crazy or making things up, gives me that look like I’m completely exaggerating… Questions my motives as why I don’t like/trust Drs. And why I completely despise pharmaceutical medication…look at me “stupid” because I question food, is gonna be “savage”….
Listen here I battle with my body everyday of my life.. Whether it be moving too much, eating, brushing my teeth, combing my hair, or it could just be my body decides to reject everything about itself one day.. All because I laid on my pillow wrong, n it hurt my arm.. That pain started hurting my neck now my back hurts. My back hurts and now my hips are extremely hot n it hurts to sit… Ive only slept 3 hrs because of a terrible headache.. My nerves are shot ive been up 21 hrs… In all this pain and I still manage to work full time, do family activities, cook & daily normal activities.. My nerves now have caused my stomach to act a fool… all I had for breakfast was rice…just plain white rice… My stomach doesn’t want it because it hurts from my nerves heightening.. Overractive nerves make everything worse… So now Chrons decides ummmmm we don’t want rice, we don’t want water, we dont plain chips.. Why would I continue to eat? I’m not torturing myself … Butttt then you begin to feel weak.. Its only been 6 hrs with nothing to eat or drink… N every single time I tried to eat or drink it came back out within 30 minutes with a vengeance.. All the while my body and Fibromyalgia are giving me a run for my money.. I’m exhausted… I’m hungry but scared to eat in fear of the consequences… Its been going on 10 hrs & I havn’t ate or drank nothing at all… I’m weak.. my feet hurt because it feels the weight of my body x 10 is all on my feet… I feel heavy.. I sit on the couch and play on my phone, whether I’m reading, responding to a follower, playing a game, blogging, social media to distract myself from the pain… I know I know why don’t I go to sleep? … I CANT …. I tried.. I’m not stupid… That burning pain in my stomach from earlier is still there… That’s nothing when one of my health conditions goes into a flare… Ohhhhh mannn..im going thru it… My husband is fussing at me because I havn’t ate… My skin is burning ….& my back is feeling like its being ripped apart…. I repeat I don’t take meds.. I use essential oil lotions, essential oil burner, and eating completly right ( most of the time ), taking and using other natural things and remedies that work ( when I remember and not too tired to use or do them ) just to keep the edge off.. I’ll take the edge off instead of drowning in my sorrows, blaming everyone else, staring at the walls, missing my boys grow, and worrying about my social life. Just to send me into a flare. NOPE……NOT HOW I OPERATE….
I have a diet that limits me. I’m supposed to be on a Low FODMAP diet.. Practically meaning low sugar.. It helps with inflammation and pain.. I can’t have caffeine because of Chrons.. ( I’m bad sometimes tho ) I thrive off of sugar.. I use it to give me energy to keep going to enjoy the life I can never get back if I don’t participate in it. Eating sugar also backfires because it doesnt help with the pain or inflammation not one bit. What am I supposed to do? Story of my life… Ughhh anyway….
I CHERISH MY MOMENTS.. I CANT GET THEM BACK!!
I was unresponsive for over 10 minutes because I was overdosed during a gallbladder removal surgery, given narcan to wake me up, and then fentanyl when I woke up… Anndd I went right back under… A surgery that started on time at 7am and only supposed to last 45 minutes.. OK its me..give them and extra 1hr… ( thats pushing it tho ) I woke up in a recovery room surrounded by over 6 people calling my name and a lady in scrubs peeking in the recovery room at me. As soon as I looked at her she turned around and ran. I was slowly going back under as I look up at the clock and see that it’s almost 12o’clock .. I immediately say call my husband & let him know I’m OK.. My body is trying to fall back asleep…its a struggle.. While some loud mouth lady on my left was yelling in my ear “Kenisha.. Kenisha” another person is fixing my blankets, another lady is trying to give me something to drink, while I’m trying to make sure the nurse lady gets my husband in the waiting room. She gets off the phone & tells me he said OK & he loved me. I look over & I see that same lady again at the door with scrubs on peeping.. Now I’m asking if everything is OK.. Nobody will answer me.. I hear them call someone to say I am awake and getting me a room.. Ummmmm this is a outpatient surgery I was told.. Why am I not going home.. They say I have to spend the nite.. For what tho?.. What happened? After taking me to my room..The nurse upstairs in my room proceeds to tell me I was unresponsive for over 10 minutes.. And they gave me narcan to wake me up and when I came to they gave me fentanyl & I went right back under… So I needed to spend the nite.. ( what really happened from 7oclock to almost 12oclock that day? ) I looked at my husband and said I wanna go home I’m not staying in here.. Mam what do I need to do?.. She went and asked somebody..Then told me I needed to have a bowel movement or pass gas, walk around the unit and be able to keep food down. But get this .. I have found out previously I have a high gluten sensitivity at this point.. But the kitchen didnt know what they were talking about, gluten??… so I ate a nurses orange cup out of her lunchbox. I passed gas… kept my food down.. My boys were there later in the day after my husband went to pick them up after they got out of school…. DUECES at around 630pm… Not too mention a couple years before this… I was on 22 pills a day for 10 years and the only proper diagnosis was high blood pressure. Ive taken medications that gave me terrible side effects and led to another problem and a side effect and another medicine that led to something else. I stopped one medication because of side effects, that made me go through withdrawal. Oh man one of the worst 2 weeks of my life. I was moody, wanted to cry for no reason, I was angry, I was in pain, I felt dependent. I felt defeated.. All I needed was one more pill & It could all go away. I know first hand how easy it can be to get addicted to drugs. Im stronger than that…I was so drained from fighting to not take a pill. My strength is something special I cherish… Say what you want about me… Judge me if you dare.. I don’t like meds they’re poison and I despise Drs.
( I LOVE ALL MY DRS NOW )
My new set of Drs. are the best, understanding, caring, n they DONT PUSH MEDS on me. They don’t walk out of the office while you ask them questions about your health and meds they just added and uped the dosage on another. They don’t look at their watches as if I’m taking up too much time.
To all the ones who question me with negativity make sure you come correct..
Thank you to my..Primary Care Physician, Chiropractor, Cardiologist, Gastroenterlogist & Rheumatologist
All 2019 My Vibe Living With 2 Chronic Illnesses Is Gonna Be Savage
I will not let this day go by without acknowledging the fact that today is Fibromyalgia Awareness Day!!! A day set aside for lil ( literally ) ole me. Amongst thousands of others who suffer from this awful illness. Since its Fibromyalgia “AWARENESS” Day let me make you clear on a couple of things. By no means will I ever say that someone suffering with fibromyalgia is weak. We may lack some of the basics of health that you may take for granted. We become true fighters to get accomplished. Here are some basics you take for granted that for us feels like an impossible task. (Everyone can experience fibromyalgia symptoms differently..these are my personal struggles)
1. Walking-Just to get out of bed to go to the bathroom. I feel like I’ve ran the block and did 50 push ups. ( I had to use my arms to get out of the bed ) I want a cane or a one of those walkers that I can sit on. But my husband told me flat out “NO”. He said if I get either one I’ll begin to give up because I’m relying on something other than my strength.
2. Brushing Your Hair-The strength is unreal just to just pick up a comb or a brush and stroke it from root to end 3 times. I’ve now developed muscle spasms in my shoulder and my neck.( and im growing my hair as long as I can..silly me huh but im gonna do what I want to do )
3. Wearing Clothes-When you love clothes but it hurts to wear them. It feels like constant pressure or heightend tingling sensation all over your body that actually hurts.
4. Playing with your kids-I love my boys to death they play THE KEY PART in my motivation. I get so tired by doing the smallest things. So for me to not physically play with them as much as I would like to breaks my heart. That is another reason why I am everywhere they are. Where this mommy lacks in playtime, I over compensate with support. When their outside im outside, when there is a game or an event I am there and when they have a goal mommy is gonna make sure we achieve that goal.
These are just some of the things that are basic for some that are complicated for me. Dont forget I have Chrons Disesase so I struggle with that on top of Fibromyalgia.
With fibromyalgia it heightens everything. So my Chrons Disease pain is more than most. When one may feel like there stomach is on fire for no apparent reason. Fibro makes my Chrons feel like no one called 911 on a 5 story building that was engulfed in flames. Nobody is coming to my rescue and the building just collapsed. My back is being slpit in two every minute of the day. It feels like its swollen in all the wrong places.
I’m Vitamin D deficent so my joints are terrible. Their tight, sore and very hard to move the majority of the time. I have a Vitamin B12 deficiency as well. So of course Im always tired. All the pain I’m in I have to push thru just to be a productive citizen, a mom, & a wife in society today. I am proud of myself. Dont forget I take no pharmaceutical medications. My B12 is in the form of a shot I administer myself once a month. My Vitamin D is in pill form and my anxiety for taking pills is so bad I haven’t taken them yet. My anti inflammatory is a gel. I have a problem with my inflammation in my blood being really high at times. I’d rather endure my pain everyday then risk the extra pain or side effects from the pill. (I know its just a vitamin but this is what meds and Dr’s have done to me. I dont trust them & I despise them.. the only reason I am even in as good as shape as I am now is because I switched ALL my Dr’s in 2015.) Taking pills makes me nauseous, so being nauseous 24/7 is definitely not fun. Not to mention the migraines that are never ending.
There is multiple things I can tell you or even educate you on, but I’ll just give you a little.
Please be mindful of the fight I or should I say WE who suffer with fibromyalgia experience.
I will always inspite of it all remain humble fight everyday proving it doesnt rule me.
This is my new hashtag. #warriorgoddessofpain
👑Warrior Goddess Of Pain 👑
Warrior Goddess I AM
Fibromyalgia Awareness Day
Leave me a comment with your thoughts.. Thanks for reading!!!
As someone who suffers from Fibromyalgia & Crohns Disease I have taken numerous medications. When I say numerous I mean I need help counting…I’ve used all my fingers and toes and then some..just from all the different medicines Ive been on throughout my journey. NOTHING WORKED! If it did I got all the sides effects and more & then suffered through withdraw for months at a time. 🚫I take ABSOLUTELY NO PHARMACEUTICAL MEDICATION FOR CHRONS DISEASE OR FIBROMYALGIA🚫 So to come across CBD Hemp Oil was a life saver. I try not to rely on anything a lot. CBD Bio Naturals worked for me in plenty of ways. When I was overwhelmed and Fibromyalgia wanted to throw a tantrum & provoke Chrons Disease… CBD Hemp Oil was the only thing in years that has actually helped. It calms me down. I can literally feel my body at ease. At ease to the point where I didnt want to even move off the couch to go to the bathroom before, now im up making fresh squeezed lemonade. To know that the burning sensation ALL OVER my body that has radiated to my burning stomach that feels like its being stabbed, twisted & nauseous ( man being nauseous all day is just plain STUPID .. but anyway ) all at the same time. Why would I want to eat. #chronsdieasesucks But when I put one dropper full the CBD Hemp Oil under my tongue it eases me. I dont feel heavy, I dont feel like im about to bust out of my skin, my nausea is GONE and on top of that the migraine I had for the last 4 days is fading and I can hold a conversation with someone about something other than pain because it consumes me (that much). I admit I need to take the CBD Hemp Oil more often because it does save me in the times I wanna give up. You wouldnt quite get it unless I explain it to you. Ive been mistreated and misdiagnosed and a guinea pig for testing medicine for years, at least 10 yrs. When having my gallblader removed in February 2016, I was unresponsive for 10 min. They used Narcan to get back up. Once I was partially up I was given Fentnil and went right back under. ” I DONT TRUST DRS OR MEDS” Tell me why I should? When I tell people that I like something n I would recommend it. I genuinely mean it. I recommend CBD Hemp Oil and I dont trust people. My trust in anybody having a hand in mixing something together that could damage my nerves in any way is not trusted. I dont put one pill or liquid in my body for any medical condition I have. I take 0 pills!! I take nothing pharmaceutical. I rely on food for healing and natural remedies ( Im not perfect but I’m learning). Now my Chrons Disease doesnt allow me to always absorb what I need to heal or even be healthy. CBD Hemp Oil allows me to calm my anxiety. Anxiety from pain 24/7 & just the thought of eating brings more pain. So why eat? But Im freaking STARVING. So you decide to eat…. But boooommm your stomach dont want it…. just because. (Yes I can have it, its a food on my small list things I can have.) #smh Im having a Chrons Disease Flare. Meaning my stomach dont care if your water ..get the f*** out. Reject it ALL with pain! Down 51 lbs in 1 yr & 3 months!! Most of it lost within the last 6 months.
CBD Hemp Oil has helped me during my struggles lately. Its eased my pain, calmed my nerves and gave me a sense of relaxation at times. It has helped my nausea and allowed me to eat. It gives my body relaxation. Allowing me to eat so I get the nutrients I need to LIVE & BREATH!!
I’m not being paid to blog about this, Im only giving credit where its due
I commend myself sometimes. I deserve it!! Last night when I walked into the laundry room to get something, I sat in the floor from exhaustion. I needed to recoup.. My new Gastroenterologist called me back yesterday to confirm the things I can’t eat. No gluten, dairy, pasta, no beans/lentils, nothing spicy, no processed foods, low fiber, low fat & eat lots of white rice. I think it would just have been easier to tell me what I CAN eat!! On top of that I start taking trial medication for Chrons Disease. (Not to mention I already suffer from Fibromyalgia, High Blood Pressure ( been good since I lost weight until I get stressed or overwhelmed), Vitamin D Dificiency, B12 Dificient, & Chronic Migraines) Ive had my Gallbladder Removed, Partial Hysterectomy ( I still have my ovaries ), 2 Colonoscopies, 2 Endoscopies. Multiple Surgies..I don’t even feel like remembering them all right now. I wasn’t supposed to have children and I’m blessed with 2 handsome young men. There’s more I’m pretty sure I’ve forgotten some stuff. Thats just an overview of how overwhelmed my brain was yesterday.
As I sat in the floor. I held back tears, I refused to cry and let it all out. Plus I dont want my husband or my boys to see me cry from all of this. Especially when I feel at my lowest like I wanna give up. I’ve gotta be strong I’m the only woman they see 7 days a week. My boys were sleep and I put them in bed all ready for the next day of school & my husband was tending to his fish tank. So it was no excuse to not cry. As I still hold back tears, my heart gets heavier and my brain is overloaded. My mind is racing, how much more weight am I going to lose? (Ive already lost 38lbs not on purpose either) Stupid meds! Chrons is bad, really bad, but I’ve been told its manageable. Being more prone to colon cancer & the possibility of stomach surgery that can result in daily living of a colostomy bag is a lot to deal with. How is my life going to be now? On top of that IM HUNGRY!!! But if I eat my stomach is going to hurt… Uggghhhhh!
My tears started to roll, I didnt even mean it… & here comes…the most amazing man I can call my husband to console me. After he left me to collect my thoughts. God said “you are my living testimony” You handle ANYTHING! OK God you know all your children, and living a life thinking like this is not me. I’m bubbly, I’m happy, nothing gets to me easily, imma do what I have to do to be here and take care of my men. Regardless of my restrictions and health.
But you know what happened next??… My song ran thru my head with music and everything…my favorite part..
“And if your wondering why Im loving life, come close I’ll tell you what’s up… Ask me how I’m doing I’m blessed, yes living every moment no regrets, smile up on my face I’m like oh yes I’m blessed yes, I’m blessed yes” – Charlie Wilson*Blessed
At this point I counted to 3 to get up!!! 1….2….3…. I didnt get up… 1….2….3…. And I rose… It took everything out of me to get up…While I stare at my reflection in the dryer… I’m tired weak & hungry my knee is swollen and I can’t bend it. But I got up wiped my tears away, and acted like it never happened.
I’m not about Drama, Bad Attitudes & Negativity.. My body does enough of that to me on a daily basis. I keep a smile & an upbeat attitude … So I made a vow to myself. If people are not giving me the same vibe, their presence is irrelevant.
I can conquer anything, all I need is God, my boys and the willingness to overcome it!
Lemme tell you something! Nothing will ever KEEP me down. I may fall short sometimes. But I will always rise… I am a Queen & I’m strong. Thank God I dont look like what I go thru!
Kenisha Fletcher AKA 👑Guardian Angel👑
I’m going through this to show others the strength and power one can obtain. I’m here to inspire, push, and encourage others. Because of my boys I have the drive I do. They are my blessings so I gotta keep my head up!!
Most people will ask me on my Fibromyalgia Awareness page on Instagram how I cope with fibromyalgia? My answer is simple but, what I do seems like a 8 hr work day! I struggle to get up like everyone else. I push myself to keep my house clean. I pray for less painful days. I watch my boys be happy. I entertain myself by making others happy with fibromyalgia. I STRUGGLE JUST LIKE EVERYONE oll. My mindset changed when I realized it did nothing but make my symptoms worse. Its easier said than done to act like everything is OK. When your not even mentally and physically there. Its like an outer body experience. Today my legs are horrible its almost impossible to move. My legs kept me captive in bed. When my youngest came to my bed and asked to go outside. I said “when my legs feel better” I know that’s not literally gonna be for a couple days. So he decided to pull the blankets up and rub my legs, so I got up. Outside I went. I’m a mom first my mentality and mind help me cope. My family and blessings around me help me. I take no meds for my fibromyalgia. I was just prescribed as needed Tramadol last month. That I still haven’t got filled. But guess where I ended up today “OUTSIDE”. Coping with my leg flare!! I try to just not let it steal my happy disposition!!
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This is my little leg rubber & little monkey in a tree.. Lol
Yesterday was a rough day! What people who don’t have fibromyalgia don’t understand is how unpredictable it can be. After battling a full body flare for over a week, your body gets tired. Soooo when your body crashes and decides to take a nap and sleep, relax and not move all day you feel almost worthless. Being the only thing you can do is lift your head up or get up to go to the bathroom and go RIGHT back to bed. And Literally fall RIGHT back to sleep. I felt so bad I was supposed to go to church yesterday morning, I got up looked at the clock it was only 8:22am church started at 11am so I was good for at least another hour and 15 minutes of rest. (Yes I try and get every minute I can when it comes to sleep. Lol) Next thing I know its 11:29am by the time I were to get up and get the family ready to got to church it would have been over! So I go back to sleep, AFTER my husband cooked breakfast. And brought it to me in bed! (Everything was gluten free.. He’s learning) He wouldn’t let me feel bad for myself so at about 2:30pm we got up got the kids ready hopped in the truck (its now about 4pm) and took a ride to see a hotel being torn down so they can build an enormous One. (fun memories for the boys..it was our 2nd visit to see the progression). My husband did tell me you can just lay down if you want to.. But I heard to much laughter n love n the house to just not be involved!! Fibromyalgia can control you it’s unpredictable it can take your day, it can take your hours, it can take your minutes, I could take every second of your life it can confuse you and have you thinking that you can’t do anything for yourself but don’t let it.
Long story short…. I could of laid in the bed and felt sorry for myself, I could of felt like whoa is me all day, I could have slept my whole Sunday away! But my family keeps me going I can’t let them see me that way!! But sometimes I can’t help it my body is UNPREDICTABLE!!!!
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This is me riding out!! I enjoyed the weather and my boys!!